"No, no, I'll tell it."
"But you always tell it!"
"I tell it better! I should know, since we've been together for 10 years."
"So, she's standing there reading the back of a bag of Trader Joe's frozen eggrolls. She's really into this nutritional information, or something."
"I just wanted to know what was in them. I didn't see it on the front of the package."
"I thought, 'Anyone that into eggrolls must be sensitive and intelligent.' Our eyes met, sparks flew, sparks big enough to start forest fires, and not those California fires, of trees that are really dry. These would be forest fires that consumed the most alive trees known to man. But sensitively, giving the monkeys a chance to escape.
"I imagined our life together, hangliding through the Himalayas, surfing off the coast of Hawaii, rafting down the Amazon. Her burnt umber eyes caught the florescent light coming off the plastic bags in the frozen food aisle, the peas casting an especially attractive glow. Her slender fingers cradled the eggrolls with exquisite delicacy. You would have done the same thing, had you been there, in my shoes."
"I went up to her, sheepish grin on my face..."
"No, I'm serious, stop it."
That's who she's here with? He's wearing pleated khakis. Dude dresses like he's 45 years old.
(h/t Paul Simms)